Confession Time: I’m a Canadian and I Smoke Crack


In light of all the media attention surrounding Toronto Mayor Rob Ford, I have wanted to come clean about a couple of things. I took some time over American Thanksgiving to talk with my family as to how to best discuss these issues. To start, as many may not know, I am Canadian (it’s pretty … Continue reading

CMC’s “See a Nip, Save a Nip” Breast Cancer Fundraising Initiative Cancelled After Nearly Bankrupting School

Seriously, who? We'll beat 'em up with a book or something

October is Breast Cancer Awareness Month, and no one is more aware of breasts than the students of Claremont Men’s College. This year, CMC arranged a unique fundraiser, the proceeds of which went to Susan G. Komen For The Cure. Any time students accidentally saw a bro’s nipple, they reported it to the administration who … Continue reading

Princeton Review Rates Claremont McKenna “#2″ in “Best SAT Scandal”

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Early on Wednesday August 7th the Princeton Review released its annual College Ranking List results for upcoming high school seniors of the class of 2014 to pore over as they search for their future college or university.  While Claremont McKenna received high marks for “Happiest Students” (#1), “Best-Run Colleges” (#1), and “Their Students Love These … Continue reading

CMC Basically Not Even A College Anymore, Forbes Claims

Much to the horror of the Claremont community, Forbes Magazine released its eagerly awaited ranking of the top 650 colleges and universities in America. Upon finding Claremont McKenna College nowhere on the list, college officials decided it was time to”throw in the towel.” Dean of Students Mary Spellwoman spoke to GA reporters, “ever since 1946 … Continue reading

CMC Announces New “Study Abroad Arizona State University” Option

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CLAREMONT, CA: This morning, CMC’s office of Off-Campus Study unveiled its plans for a new program beginning as early as Spring 2014: The Arizona State University Program. OCS was prompted to create this opportunity after the success of the Washington DC and SIllicon Valley programs. “Spending a semester studying somewhere else is a very enriching … Continue reading

The Right to Bare Arms: CMC Announces Controversial Bro-Tank Ban

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Prompted by recent requests from the CMC Literature and Keck Science Chemistry departments, the student body received a notification via email that “tank-tops and other sleeveless cotton apparel” would no longer be advised for academic settings. When asked for further comment, Dean Spellwoman articulated, “the requests were made for a few reasons: tank-tops are too … Continue reading

CMC Intern in Washington D.C. Meets Real Live Adult With Paying Job

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Early Monday morning while waiting for the N4 bus with his commuter shoes in hand, Stephen Norris CMC ’15 encountered a human adult who claimed to be working a real job for real money.  Upon further investigation, Norris discovered that the woman who earned American currency in exchange for her services was not the lucky … Continue reading

Claremontian Gangsters: Finals Week Exacerbates 5C Drug Problem

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As Finals Week 2013 kicks off for students of the Claremont Consortium, Golden Antlers analysts have detected an increasingly negative trend on the rise. With the increase in paper writing and exam studying, Ritalin and Adderall have resurfaced on campus. Yet the problem lies mainly in each school’s response. Most CMCers have resorted to cocaine, … Continue reading

Camp Sec Officer Turned On By Thesis Party

Luckily, an estimated 76% of seniors in attendance were too drunk to remember their own last name, let alone Officer Smith's untimely boner

Breaking News: Campus Security Officer Steve Smith has recently admitted to having a slight boner while on duty at Monday’s fountain party. Fountain Party is a yearly event where seniors celebrate their ability to bullshit 48 pages of writing. (Alternately, a yearly event where underclassmen celebrate the conclusion of nine months of reading whiny status … Continue reading

Breaking News: Claremont McKenna College Application 2013 – 2014 Leaked the The Golden Antlers

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A mere three hours after Harvey Mudd College’s admissions department made the decision to leak their application to The Golden Antlers late yesterday afternoon, the admissions department at Claremont McKenna College contacted our staff to follow suit.  They quickly released their 2013 – 2014 application to us and asked that we publish it.  Their representative … Continue reading


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